"Wow, you've lost a lot of weight" (!!!!!!!!)

I've been hearing this a lot lately to the point I'm wondering if there's a broken record in my head and I'm just hallucinating.  The funny thing is, it's coming from people that I see on a day-to-day basis.  People that I "know" but don't really know.  Not my friends or acquantices, but ordinary people you see on your daily routes.  In addition to the broken record statement, I have also been hearing, as is expected, "what are you doing?" (at times with a pleading, desperate look in the eyes).

The cafeteria lady has been saying this nearly everytime I see her now; she doesn't even say "hi" anymore, her greeting is "wow, you've lost a lot of weight" (mouth and eyes wide open).  Everytime she says that to me I think to myself, "I don't think the people on the other side of the cafeteria heard you, can you say it louder?".  LOL.  She's a real nice lady but I don't want the entire 500 seat cafeteria to hear what she's saying to me!  Then I think, it must be a cultural thing?  Maybe weight isn't a big deal in her culture?

There is a parking attendant lady that I see a few times a week and she has commented several times now in the past two weeks on how I have "lost a lot of weight" and it "looks good".  The lady at McDonald's today commented with a very surprised look on her face; you know the one - eyes and mouth open wide.  I'm actually surprised she even noticed since I always go through the drive-thru.  I guess it must be really apparent in my face. 

I stopped in tonight and visited a co-worker who hadn't seen me in 9 months and at first, she didn't recognize me.  She did a double-take.  It was only when I waved my hand and smiled at her, that she realized who I was.  Then there was the "wow, you've lost a lot of weight" with the eyes and the mouth wide open and the "what are you doing?!" (oooohhh, you know, eating less, eating healthy and exercising......that is the truth, I just leave out the surgery bit).

An odd thing has been happening.  These statements from people who aren't friends or people I haven't told, have actually helped me to accept that I AM losing weight.  When my friends and family comment on it, it is a hard compliment to accept because a big part of me says that they're just saying that to be nice.  It's a touchy area for me still.  I look at myself in the mirror and I keep saying to myself, "I don't SEE it".  Yes, I can tell when I wear clothes, but when I look in the mirror, I can't SEE it dammit.  :/  I am still waiting for that moment when I look in the mirror and can feel really confident about what I'm seeing. 

Some of the reasons I didn't tell people that I'd had this surgery was that I didn't want to deal with all the attention around the surgery itself and by not telling people, I would know that when they did comment on the weight-loss, it would be genuine.  I didn't want people saying I'd lost weight just to be nice and once you tell people, it's hard to know if they are just being nice or being honest.  Despite not telling a majority of people, I am still having to deal with it, even more so now as people are starting to notice and, of course, are asking, "what are you doing?".  In some ways I do want to share my journey with them.....but then I decide on not telling people because I don't want to have to explain the whole story and possibly have to defend my decision.  The day someone tells me I took the "easy way out" may be the first day in my life I assualt someone.  Can you see why I just don't want to tell people?  Too many people out there don't know shit about being overweight and all the struggles around it.  I don't want to be the poster child for WLS, I just want to get skinnier and healthier (and yes, sexier too) and get on with my life.  Maybe one day I will open up and share what has happened to me......then again, maybe not.  For now I keep telling people I'm eating smaller, healthier portions and exercising more.  That's it, that's all, cuz really when it comes down to it, that's all it really is.