What Happened?

Growing up I was a slender teenager, had all the normal feelings about my body, but certainly nothing that I had ever lost sleep over.  My average weight from 16 to 20 was 130 pounds.  Fast forward to my getting out of a horrible 7 year relationship, and weighing in at 215 pounds.  I felt it was time for a change.  I hired a personal trainer and hit the gym hard-core.  I was working out 3 hours a day, twice a day, 6 days a week - cardio and weights.  In 8 months I had gotten down to 160 lbs, the lightest I had been in many, many years.  Then I hit a plateau.  I hadn't lost any weight in two weeks and I started doing crazy things.  I was cutting back my portions, exercising harder and longer, taking ephedrine, and other diet pills and I would not eat anything unless I had made it myself so I knew exactly what I was eating.  I wouldn't eat at family gatherings unless I brought my own food and stopped eating out because I could not control what I was eating.  I was obsessed with food and losing weight and the scale was not budging at all.  My life consisted of work and the gym.  Finally, at the 10 month mark I developed a case of "mono" and I was wiped out for a few months.  I just did not have the energy to work out anymore; I was burnt out.  I realized that this lifestyle was just not sustainable or realistic.  I decided to give my body a rest from the madness but stay active and "just eat healthy".

Around this time, April 2004, I had met the man who is now my husband.  I remember praying to God just before I met him for a decent man, a man who would love me for who I was, be my best friend, my confidant and my lover. Not long after that prayer, I met my husband through my cousin, the "match-maker", lol.  He was the first boyfriend that never said anything negative about my body; he loved me as I was.  I allowed myself to let go of my rigid schedules and just have fun.  I managed to get down to 145 pounds, a size 8/10.  I was pretty happy with myself at that point.  Meeting my husband and falling in love was the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Fast-forward past a few weddings, funerals, quitting my job and being on stress leave for almost a year and my weight was creeping up the scale.  I entered into college full time for a year and only had time for school and studying.  My healthy eating was put on the back burner as well as exercising.  Studying took up every free moment that I had and so, the weight kept on creeping on.  I just told myself I would deal with it once I was finished school and working, then I would have time.  School ended and I had a permanent job before I had even graduated.  I was thrilled.  I was working a lot, always picking up extra shifts as we were preparing for our wedding and saving up as much money as possible so we wouldn't be in huge debt afterwards.  Again, my exercise plans were put on the back burner.  I told myself 6 months before my wedding, I would start exercising, in the meantime I was doing my best to eat healthy while working nights.  Pretty soon my wedding had come and gone.  Although I did exercise before my wedding, I started a new job after my honeymoon and found myself working 12 hour shifts, days and nights.  There was no time for exercising - I was always sleeping on my days off, I was so exhausted after my rotations.  In between all of these things the past several years, I had tried numerous fad diets and prescription weight-loss pills, each time losing weight only to gain it back plus more.

Today, I am topping the scales at 255 pounds, a size 20/22, present day 2011.  It hurts to read what I just wrote.  I feel a range of emotions.....shame, disgust, embarrassment, frustration and defeat, to name a few.  How did I get this way?  Eating when I was bored, stressed-out, tired, sad, mad, because I "deserved" a particular food item or as a "reward".  Working nights for a few years did not help either.  There is always junk food on nights and lots of it!  Hubby and I were also eating out a lot because we were both too tired to cook.  Finally, diet after diet after diet along with the weight losses and gains that came along with that madness has brought me to where I am now.  I am ALWAYS hungry and never feel "satisfied".  I could literally eat until suddenly, I am going to blow chunks, but never feel "full".  I don't know when this happened, but I am 100 % sure that all of the yo-yo dieting and hormonal birth control has messed up the way my body is supposed to function, from my metabolism to the mechanism in my stomach that sends hunger/full signals to my brain to my hormones.  I remember a time in my late teens/early 20's when life was not this way.  My weight has bothered me a lot the past seven years, but I essentially just resigned to being a "big girl" and the token fat chick.  Despite my dwindling health, I just accepted the way my life had become over the years.  "There is nothing I can do, I'm just a big girl" - that is what I would tell myself.  I had come to just accept my obesity and "work around" it.

Until now.  Enough is enough.  What changed everything?  A visit to my GP a few weeks ago to renew my prescriptions (did I mention that I take more medications than my 57 year old mother?).  When I heard him say I had "gained a lot of weight" since my last visit (3 months ago) and saw the look of concern on his face, I knew that things had reached an all-time low for me.  Hearing the words "diabetic", "BMI of 45.5", "140 lbs overweight", "your weight increases your cancer risk" and "adding another medication" hit me like a steel-toed boot to the gut.  If having Gastro-Esophageal reflux disease, hypertension, a cholecystectomy, plantar fascitis and aching knees, hips and back were not enough of a warning factor, this sure as hell was it.  I realized I have a very serious problem, a problem that diet and exercise alone would not be enough to overcome it.  I decided if I did not DO something, I was likely going to be diabetic by the end of a year, not to mention other health issues associated with obesity. 

The thought of being diabetic and having to inject *myself* scared the shit out of me.  There is no way in hell I could inject my own insulin.  I know this as when I had to have daily injections of blood thinner for a month, my husband had to do it because I nearly passed out just pointing the needle toward my stomach.  Oh, and finger-pricking for glucose levels?  Forget it.  I had to do that for a month while I was in college (possible diabetic scare back then) and it took nearly an HOUR, tears and paniced screams to accomplish that.  The thought of having my foot, feet, leg or legs amputated from diabetes complications sent bile into my mouth.  I left the doctor's office determined that something drastic was going to happen, and dammit, it was going to happen within a month because I am NOT going to be a diabetic.  Screw you obesity!!!!!  As I drove away from the doctor's office, I prayed to God for help, to help me lose this weight and keep it off once and for all; I did not want to die from obesity.  I want to live and live life to the fullest.

Once I got home, I got on the internet and starting googling weight loss and found a website, "obesity help",  it was there that I discovered the "Vertical Gastric Sleeve" (VGS) operation.  Although surgery itself may seem like an extreme step to take, it is not a new concept for me.  I had thought about surgery a few years ago, but never pursued it.  I had looked at gastric by-pass and similar operations, but I did not like the idea of having my intestines re-routed, closed off or opened where they should not be.  So I abandoned that idea.  When the lap-band came across my path, it sounded like a sure thing for me, but I did not want a foreign object that large in my body and the idea of having to get fills for life was another issue altogether, so that option was also abandoned.  After I perusing "obesity help" and reading about the surgical options now available, I was most interested in the VGS operation and wanted to learn as much as I could.  Back to Google, lol.  From there I found "gastric sleeve dot com".  Tons of information, from real people, on an open forum.  At this point, I knew I was going to get the VGS.  I discovered that MSP covers this surgery but there are a lot of hoops and red-tape to jump through, not to mention a grotesque waiting list.

Onto self-pay options.....as I said, I had already made up my mind this surgery was going to happen, it was just a matter of figuring out the logistics.  The surgeons I looked at here in Canada and the US were quoting a whooping average cost of $20,000 CDN/US dollars, plus travel expenses.  Now THAT was way out of my budget.  I was discouraged, but determined that this surgery was going to happen and fast.  Again, I prayed that night before I went to bed, like I do every night, and my faith never wavered.  The next day, I researched VGS surgeons and discovered that a lot of people on the "gastric sleeve" forum had had or were having their procedure done in Mexico. 

In the medical community this is referred to as "medical-tourism" while the rest of society likely refers to it as the "el cheapo back yard chop-shop and travel" option.  I won't even try to lie, the savings are astounding.  The same surgery that was $20,000 in Canada/US, was less than 1/4 of the price, $4500 in Mexico.  Even with adding in my travel expenses, it was still do-able, at 1/3 of $20,000.  It was definitely an affordable option, all things considered.  But was it actually a SAFE option?  Again, back to google and and the forums.  It had to be.  Thousands of people would not have this surgery in Mexico if it were not safe.  The proof was right in front of me. 

There were a number of surgeons recommended in Mexico.  On the forum there were very positive reviews of doctors bordering along the US/Mexico border....but which one would be the best for me?  What "sealed the deal" was reading a blog about a fellow Canadian who had just recently had her surgery with Dr. Mario Almanza at the Jerusalem Hospital in Tijuana, Mexico.  I had also read others' reviews on his website and in various forums I found and I was satisfied and pleased with what I read.  I emailed Dr. Almanza's patient coordinator and had a lightning fast response.  I filled out my patient questionnaire, was accepted, paid my deposit, received my pre and post op instructions, it all took less than 48 hours.  I went to my GP and we went over the information package and the surgery together and he said he felt I was making the right choice by having bariatric surgery considering my health, my past dieting (and failing) and the position I am in now. 

So, now I hurry up and wait.  I am 8 sleeps pre-op today and so excited to have this surgery.  I am ready for this change, for a fresh start in life.  I start my liquid pre-op diet on Monday.  Can't say I'm thrilled about that, but it could be worse, right?