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Days Since My Surgery

Surgery Date Ticker

Weight Lost So Far.....

Weight Loss Ticker

Pounds to go.......

LilySlim Weight loss tickers

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Blah

I am sick.  Blah.  I woke up monday morning feeling really gross.  The right side of my neck was really sore.  When I felt it I could feel a lump just under my ear that was the size of a gumball and there was one on the left side of my neck also.  Behind both of my ears there was swelling also.  I've never had anything like this.  Went to my GP and he confirmed my thoughts that my lymph nodes are swollen, but he couldn't find anything actually wrong.  Although my throat was sore last week, it was normal.  My ears have been feeling funny, but they were clear also.  My nose has been runny lately but nothing that would indicate a cold or anything like that.  I just didn't think much of all these things.  Anyhow, my doctor concluded that I was fighting off an infection of some sort, hence the swollen lymph nodes, and he decided to put me on antibiotics since my 'nodes have been swollen over a week.  Perhaps this illness has something to do with only losing one pound.  My eating has been terrible the past few days.  I've been sleeping until noon and going to bed early which means not eating very much.  I am hoping to be back on track next week.  


Sunday, November 27, 2011

WTF IS THIS S*&T ? !

I weighed in on saturday instead of friday.  I lost a whole whopping pound.  Yeah, ONE pound.  A measly fucking pound.  I got on the scale a few times as I was in such disbelief that it was only a pound.  I was SURE the scale was broken.  I even checked it, but nope.  ONE pound.  WTF-F-F!!!!!!  I think I would have rather just have not lost anything at all.  Forgive me if you're thinking I'm ungrateful, but to me, a one pound loss is like expecting that 15-20% tip after busting your ass and instead you get a 5% tip - it's like a slap in the face.  I don't know why the loss was so small this weigh-in.  It could be because I had my "gift" last week and was bloated and such.  The lymph nodes in my neck are swollen on both sides (Dr figures I'm fighting off something and I have had a sore throat all week) and maybe that is causing my body to hold onto calories?  Who knows.  I am really hoping that next week's loss is larger.  I am having anxiety that somehow sleevie is no longer working, that I have maxed out my weight loss that I have yet again, failed at this too.  A part of me is telling myself that I'm not being logical, that sleevie is working and this is all part of the process in which I need to be patient.  However, another part of me is insisting that I have fucked this up too, that I have failed, just like I knew I always would.  Enough of my self pity party, I'm signing off now.


Friday, November 25, 2011

WOWZERS!!!

Holy crap-a-moley!!!!  Over 1000 views.  Wow.  I'm just....speechless.  Thank you everyone for following and reading about my journey.  If it weren't for you, I wouldn't bother blogging.  This blog is my way of paying it forward for others.  If it wasn't for all the other virtual people out there, I would never have found out about gastric sleeve surgery.  I was so lucky to find blogs and forums where I learned about the surgery, the Mexico option, pre and post op information and had virtual support from others who were going through what I was or had already gone through what I was about to go through.  One thing I was not able to find, that I really wanted to find, were blogs from those who were a year out or more.  I promised myself to pay it forward by blogging for a full year, plus through my plastic surgery as well.  That's going to be about 18 months to 2 years - at least.  So, I'm here for the long haul peeps and I hope you will be too!


Tuesday, November 22, 2011

After Thoughts

I've just realized today that I've lost 70 pounds and have 71 pounds more to go to get down to 120 pounds.....I am half way to my goal and only 5 months post-op.  Saturday was my 5 months post-op day.  That's pretty damn good!  I am happy with how the numbers on the scale are going down and how the clothes are getting bigger, I just wish my brain would catch up with everything!  I still just see the "fat me".  I am hoping that the next 6 months will bring a lot of physical change that I can really see, such as my thighs leaning out and muscles starting to appear.


Onto a more personal item.....bowel movements - I'm regular!  Ever since I upped my vitamins I've been having bowel movements every day or every other day.  This is great news.  I don't think it's healthy to not have poops every day.  From what I have read, it can increase your risk of certain types of cancer to not have regularity, so I am really happy that things are really regular these days.  

Some people are really dumb.  As I mentioned before I am working at a new location.  I ran into someone from the department I used to work at in another facility.  I haven't seen this person, "J", for 7 or 8 months. Although J is a nice person, she has a big mouth and is a gossiper.  J found out I was working at this new place, as is she, and decided to seek me out.  When she saw me, she was dumbfounded at my weight loss.  "OMG look at you!  You're so skinny, girl you've lost like 50, 60, 100 pounds!  Oh, you're so cute now!  So tiny."  Errrr, cute "now".  I'm thinking to myself so, what you're saying is I was fugly before?  Then she proceeds to tell my new co-workers just how much weight I have, in fact, lost.  It was really uncomfortable, not to mention awkward.  Then to make matters worse, I find out that a lady, "M", I went to school with 6 years ago, also works at this new facility and hasn't seen me in over a year.  J brought her over to see me.  "OMG, you HAVE lost a lot of weight.  What are you doing, tell us EVERYTHING".  I somehow was roped into spending my break with them and getting grilled on exactly what I eat, how much I am eating and when.  It was so.....invasive.  Thank God my break was only 15 minutes.  I practically ran away from them when I told them I had to go back.  When I got back to my desk, I was then grilled by my new co-workers.  Sigh.  I just wanted the questions to stop.



I am trying so hard to keep my personal life separate from my work life.  I don't want to be a poster child for this surgery.  This was a personal decision that I don't need to explain or justify to people.  I had this surgery because I have a problem with food.  A problem much like an alcoholic or drug addict.  It makes me feel weak that I couldn't beat this addiction to food by myself, that I had to have 3/4 of my stomach removed so I wouldn't die from my overeating or diseases secondary to overeating.  It kills me that I couldn't do this myself.  That I had dieted time and time again, only to fail miserably.  I don't want people to know this, this weak part of me, especially people I work with.  People can be cruel and judgmental.  I am the kind of person that wants to go to work, enjoy her job, do her job, go home and collect her paycheck every two weeks.  That's it.  I learned the hard way once, sharing something personal only to have the entire department know about it.  I have the mentality of whatever I tell someone, it's like I'm telling the whole department.  It's best to keep personal things personal.  I will admit though, inside I feel like a fraud when people ask what I'm doing and I tell them I'm just eating less, eating healthy stuff and exercising.  I hate that feeling, but feel strongly that it's no one's business but my own.  What do you think?  Would YOU tell people you have had this surgery?  Why?

Monday, November 21, 2011

Movement!

Last Friday would have been 3 weeks of my stall but......it broke!!!! Scale went down to 191. I'll take that! What did I do different? I think it may have been the increase of my protein intake. Aside from upping my vitamin intake, not much else changed.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Hellllloooooo Plateau ; ) and other things - LONG POST!

First amazing thing I want to talk about is that I have noticed is that the views on this blog have jumped to over 800 views which made me say "oh!" when I logged in.  I was honestly shocked.  I think the last time I blogged the views were in the 600 range and now well over 800.  I mean, wow, that's a lot!  To all of those who have been checking in and who are new here, WELCOME AND THANK YOU!!!!  YOU ROCK :)

Well folks, the inevitable has happened.  I have hit a plateau.  Weigh-in for the past two weeks has been 195.  I knew it was going to happen; it happens to everyone.  I'm not mad or frustrated (yet) or anything really....I'm just fine.  I am so glad that it happened AFTER I hit ONEderland as that was my first goal.  Now, here's the weird thing.  The scale has not budged at all BUT the clothes are getting bigger, especially my pants in the gut and thigh area (no complaints here!!!).  Almost three weeks ago I set aside a pair of work pants that I had bought as they were too tight in the gut and thigh area.  It was bad.  I'd bend over or sit down and the pants would slide down below the crack of my bum and my thighs looked like plump sausages.  I slipped those pants on last week and......(drum roll)......they fit.  THEY FIT!!!  No sliding down or legs that look like sausages, actually, they are a tad loose!  Can you believe it?!  Amazing.  So really, I can't be all that mad can I?  The numbers may not be going down, but the clothes sure as hell are.  I think in several more weeks I may be bagging up all of the work clothes I bought the end of September/early October and donating them.  I have non work pants that are getting so big, I just can't wear them anymore.  They're either falling down or so huge I am floating in them.  Value Village must love me.  I am the poster child for recycling.  I buy clothes from them, I donate back to them then buy more clothes from them and the cycle repeats, lol.


More good news.  The pre-made protein drinks that I was testing have proved fruitful.  Yayyyyyy!!!!  I am so freaking excited!  I have absolutely fallen in love with a delicious chocolate protein drink made by VPX called "Chocolate Dream" and let me tell you, it IS a dream.  I swear it tastes like chocolate milk, I initially felt guilty drinking it.  I had to check the nutrition content several times to make sure it really was "just" a protein drink.  I also tried the Vanilla flavor but it was just "ok", do-able, but no where near as good as the chocolate.  Mind you, I am a chocolate person.  Anyway, it has a smooth velvety texture (no chunkies!!!!) and it packs a whoping 40 grams of high grade protein, only 1 gram of sugar, 6 grams of fiber (this will help if you're constipated),  6 grams of fat and 260 calories in 500 mls (2 cups).  I like how the containers have a re-sealable cap and I can simply re-cap the container and put it in the fridge for next time.  I don't have to worry about bringing a shaker to work (which doesn't work anyway) to mix my protein, I just grab one of these containers and away I go.  I use one container as two servings, drinking half after breakfast and then the other half after lunch and then another half after dinner.  Doing this has now bumped my protein intake to 85 to 100 grams per day depending on what else I eat.


Chicken breast, spaghetti sauce
& parmesan cheese
What else have I been eating?  Not too much difference from previous weeks.  I'm a pretty boring eater.  I am still having the greek yogurt in the morning (100 grams) with 2-5 tablespoons of either raspberries or green crunchie grapes (yum-yum).  Lunch and dinner is either chicken breast (2.5 - 3 oz), with spaghetti sauce and 1 tbsp parmesan cheese or just 2 tablespoons of shredded parmesan cheese (I LOVE cheese!) or half of the frozen Meatloaf dinners.  In between breakfast/lunch/dinner I've been drinking the pre-mixed protein drink and I am still having my coffee first thing in the morning.  Really hard to cut out coffee completely since I went back to work one month after surgery.  At least I have cut it down to one cup (rarely two) instead of the 4-6 cups a day I was drinking.  My morning coffee is one cup (8 oz) with 3 tablespoons of fat free creamer and liquid sugar twin, aka my "triple 0", lol.  Pretty simple really and easy.


In my previous post I talked about hair loss.  I want to make it clear that it is really not all that obvious (except to me since I tend to obsess over things) and hubby didn't even notice it.  I am hoping that since my protein intake has gone up quite a bit it will help with the hair loss/thinning and encourage hair growth again.  I have also totally vamped up my vitamin/supplement intake to help with this among health in general.  Initially I was just taking 2 chewable multivitamins as I was having a hard time with pills.  Now that I'm almost 5 months out and sleevie is able to handle pills, I have added a number of things.  I am now taking liquid iron (easier for the body to break down & digest), vitamin C (to assist with the absorption of the iron and helps combat the free radicals that iron stimulates), folic acid (promotes red blood cell formation & helps the body use vit b12), zinc (helps with hair growth among other things), calcium, vitamin D (helps with calcium absorption) and biotin (helps with hair growth).

My vitamins are broken down as such:

Breakfast:
Liquid Iron - 10 ml
Vit C - 1000 mg
Multivitamin - 2 chewables                              
Calcium  - 350 mg
Vit D - 1000 mg
Zinc - 50 mg
Biotin - 1000 mg
Folic Acid - 1 mg

Super:
Calcium - 350 mg
Vit D - 1000 mg
Liquid Iron - 10 ml
Vit C - 1000 mg

Vit B12 injections every 2 weeks.


Cravings......I am still not having cravings (yayyyyyy!), I know what full feels like (woooo-hooooo) AND hunger is sometimes there, but I'm not really sure if it is true hunger or not.  I can't figure out if it's just my brain predicting my eating schedule or if it is sleevie sending messages.  If you do not know what I mean by sending messages, let me explain.  Stomachs have a part of them, grehlin, that send out hunger hormones to your brain (hey, feed me!).  When a person undergoes this surgery, that part of the stomach is removed.  Anyways, rarely sleevie feels as what I can only describe as "twitchy" and I think it must need food or water.  It is a very distinct feeling.  When I check the time I then realize it is time to eat or drink, but that doesn't happen very often as I have become a clock watcher in order to get the protein in.  If I don't stay on top of it, I can easily have a 200 calorie day, no problem and that is not a good thing.  Water is still a huge problem for me.  After eating and drinking the protein I am FULL.  By the time I feel empty again, it is time to eat or drink the protein.  It's hard.  I feel like my choice is to either drink the water or drink the protein.  Right now, I'm going for the protein.

Looking at my body.....As I have said before, I look in the mirror and I still just see fat....literally - cellulite.  I have always been highly criticial of my body, seeing only imperfections - we are our own worst enemy.  My thighs have always been large and I've always had a pesky lower "pouch".  When I did manage to get down to 160 pounds before, I had a small pouch but my thighs always seemed large and out of proportion to me.  I guess that is how I am going to be until I really start to lean out and/or get plastic surgery.  I think it would be distorted to think of myself as "slender" right now, even though I feel at times to be tiny - does that make sense?  The last time I was at this weight, I was in a larger size pant, 1 XL, this time I'm fitting baggy in an XL.  So, at times, I do feel smaller than 195 pounds.  Although I have lost 65 pounds and gone from a BMI of "morbidly obese" at 261 pounds down to 195 pounds, I am still considered "obese".