A few plane rides, two airports and two customs inspections later, here we are in Monterrey, Mexico! What are you doing in Mexico, you ask, pray tell...........<drum roll please>................................PLASTIC SURGERY or, more appropriately termed for those of us who undergo bariatric surgery and have massive weight loss, RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY. It really is reconstructive because of all the skin that has to be removed to re-shape our bodies.
The thought of having reconstructive surgery has always been a consideration. I KNEW I was going to need something done, I just figured it would only need to be done for one, maybe two spots at the most. However, as I have been on this journey, it has become more and more apparent that this is not the case. I need A LOT of work. I have done so much damage to my skin over the years of yo-yo dieting that I can not reasonably expect it to get any smaller than the little bit it has. Surgery has been in the back of my mind for several months now, seeing that my weight seems to have stabilized around 162-164. Those last pesky 29 just don't want to budge. I think my body seems to be "happy" at this weight. Me, not so much. It's not about the numbers on the scale, it is about what I see when I look in the mirror and there is a lot of lose skin. My GP feels that once I have this surgery, I'll be able to get into the 130's. We'll see. I just want all the excess skin gone so my body doesn't look like it belongs to an 80 year old woman! A large factor in my depression is how I look in the mirror; all of the excess skin. In some ways, it negates even having the sleeve surgery because I can't see past the excess skin. My self confidence/esteem has taken a beating.
A few weeks ago, I sent in my pictures for a consultation with a doctor that I have been following on "Obesity Help" forum boards since last year. This man is amazing, he is an artist. He really is. He viewed my (naked) photos and suggested a thigh life (knee to groin), large tummy tuck, liposuction on my lower back, arm lift (elbows to arm pit) and a breast reduction and lift. The night before my surgery I was marked up and he explained what and how he was going to do everything.
Pictures. I want to post pictures on here, I do, but I would also like a sense of privacy so that not just anyone can see them. Some of them will be graphic, especially the post operative ones, and I need to ensure that young ones don't see them. There will also be naked shots as well. My thought right now is that I will post my before and after sleeve photos on here. However, my pre-operative and post-operative (ie: naked photos) will be in an album off this site. There will be a link from my blog which will take you to my pictures and you can access the photos by entering the password, which I will give to you once you email me and ask for it. If you are not a follower, I won't give the password to you. If I see you signed up and want the password in the same day, I will not give it to you, unless you are someone that I know from a forum or elsewhere. If you write anything nasty, you are gone.
Later I will post my surgery experience and get all caught up; I'm post op day 3 today but I am tired having just been released from the hospital today. More to come......
Days Since My Surgery
Weight Lost So Far.....
Pounds to go.......
Monday, July 30, 2012
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Fear and Loathing in Onederland
It's been a long while, I know. I'm one year post-op as of a few weeks ago. Where have I been all this time? I have been in the rancid bowels of depression and anxiety.
Before I had surgery I was taking anti-depressants. I pretty much thought the primary cause of my depression was in relation to being so overweight. I figured that my depression would gradually go away once I started losing weight and getting healthy. After my surgery, I wasn't able to take my antidepressant medications because of the limitations of the sleeve, and as the weeks went by, I was feeling so good, I figured I didn't need to take them anymore. I kept a close check on myself (or at least I thought I was), but it wasn't enough. I didn't even realize that the depression had crept back and not only did it creep on back like a stealth ninja, it was worse than ever.
It's been hell the past several months. I started to spiral down the depression drain before Christmas. I started a new job in October and it sucked. Big Time. The people were nasty and disgruntled. Long story short, there were job losses before I arrived and people were very upset and their anger was directed towards myself and other new hires. So here I am stuck in a shitty workplace and trying to cope with old emotions and no longer having my pre-sleevie coping mechanism (food).
I was working on dealing with emotions that were hidden before the surgery because they were masked with food - lots and lots of food. Frustrated? Eat an entire large pizza soaked in dipping sauce. Sad? Pig out at McDonalds. Bored? Go to the movies, eat a hot dog, poutine fries and an xtra large popcorn drenched in butter and salt. Post Sleevie? Not a chance is this self soothing going to work. My body was undergoing a lot of changes as well. The more weight I was losing, the more skin I was gaining. It was really, really gross. When I looked in the mirror naked, I saw the same old fat girl. It was like I had never even had the surgery. What a "mind-fuck" this was. It really, really screwed with my head. Add into the mix being a victim of workplace bullying and a whole new set of emotions is thrown into the mix. I am not even sure HOW I allowed myself to be bullied. Then I started to feel worse - weak, helpless, alone, trapped and sad. I was trying so hard to keep myself together, to not let work "get" to me, to keep pushing forward toward my goals.
I threw myself into my workouts and tried to just focus on work when I was at work and ignore all the negative around me. It wasn't enough. I just couldn't get out of bed one day....then the next....then the next. Mid February I went on sick leave. I felt a little relief. My doctor adjusted my medications and told me to take it easy. I kept working out for a little while longer. I was feeling ok, feeling like I could handle going back to work. Next thing I know, it's march and I'm not functioning very well anymore. My workouts were leaving me absolutely drained. I had to put all my training sessions on hold. I couldn't get out of bed, I wasn't sleeping, I was barely eating.....another medication added and several more spins down the drain I went. I had officially landed at Fear and (self) Loathing in Onederland.
I STILL hate my body, just in another way. I've lost almost 100 pounds and am d
With all this being said, I still don't regret having this surgery. My blood pressure is down, I can move and breathe without feeling like a fish out of water, I feel healthly inside and my bloodwork reflects this and I have lost 99 pounds as of today. What people need to know is that the sleeve is not a fix all. It is only a piece in a big puzzle. You have to work on your mental, physical and emotional health, and, you may need additional surgery afterwards depending on how much excess skin you have left over. Don't count on losing all the excess skin.
I have a HUGE announcement to make and I will do so this Sunday - July 29th. I am also editing my photos to post and deciding how I will be doing this to still maintain some of my privacy. I may have a password protected album on another site that is linked here. We'll see, I'm working on it at the moment.
Before I had surgery I was taking anti-depressants. I pretty much thought the primary cause of my depression was in relation to being so overweight. I figured that my depression would gradually go away once I started losing weight and getting healthy. After my surgery, I wasn't able to take my antidepressant medications because of the limitations of the sleeve, and as the weeks went by, I was feeling so good, I figured I didn't need to take them anymore. I kept a close check on myself (or at least I thought I was), but it wasn't enough. I didn't even realize that the depression had crept back and not only did it creep on back like a stealth ninja, it was worse than ever.
It's been hell the past several months. I started to spiral down the depression drain before Christmas. I started a new job in October and it sucked. Big Time. The people were nasty and disgruntled. Long story short, there were job losses before I arrived and people were very upset and their anger was directed towards myself and other new hires. So here I am stuck in a shitty workplace and trying to cope with old emotions and no longer having my pre-sleevie coping mechanism (food).
I was working on dealing with emotions that were hidden before the surgery because they were masked with food - lots and lots of food. Frustrated? Eat an entire large pizza soaked in dipping sauce. Sad? Pig out at McDonalds. Bored? Go to the movies, eat a hot dog, poutine fries and an xtra large popcorn drenched in butter and salt. Post Sleevie? Not a chance is this self soothing going to work. My body was undergoing a lot of changes as well. The more weight I was losing, the more skin I was gaining. It was really, really gross. When I looked in the mirror naked, I saw the same old fat girl. It was like I had never even had the surgery. What a "mind-fuck" this was. It really, really screwed with my head. Add into the mix being a victim of workplace bullying and a whole new set of emotions is thrown into the mix. I am not even sure HOW I allowed myself to be bullied. Then I started to feel worse - weak, helpless, alone, trapped and sad. I was trying so hard to keep myself together, to not let work "get" to me, to keep pushing forward toward my goals.
I threw myself into my workouts and tried to just focus on work when I was at work and ignore all the negative around me. It wasn't enough. I just couldn't get out of bed one day....then the next....then the next. Mid February I went on sick leave. I felt a little relief. My doctor adjusted my medications and told me to take it easy. I kept working out for a little while longer. I was feeling ok, feeling like I could handle going back to work. Next thing I know, it's march and I'm not functioning very well anymore. My workouts were leaving me absolutely drained. I had to put all my training sessions on hold. I couldn't get out of bed, I wasn't sleeping, I was barely eating.....another medication added and several more spins down the drain I went. I had officially landed at Fear and (self) Loathing in Onederland.
I STILL hate my body, just in another way. I've lost almost 100 pounds and am d
With all this being said, I still don't regret having this surgery. My blood pressure is down, I can move and breathe without feeling like a fish out of water, I feel healthly inside and my bloodwork reflects this and I have lost 99 pounds as of today. What people need to know is that the sleeve is not a fix all. It is only a piece in a big puzzle. You have to work on your mental, physical and emotional health, and, you may need additional surgery afterwards depending on how much excess skin you have left over. Don't count on losing all the excess skin.
I have a HUGE announcement to make and I will do so this Sunday - July 29th. I am also editing my photos to post and deciding how I will be doing this to still maintain some of my privacy. I may have a password protected album on another site that is linked here. We'll see, I'm working on it at the moment.
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