Plateau or PMS?

Saw my doctor on friday, August 19th, for my weekly appointment.  I was pretty excited to tell you the truth, as I was expecting to hit the 220 mark.  I was planning for it, visualizing seeing the scale read 220, yup I was ready to drink in those numbers and savor them......well, to say that I was shocked as s*&t to discover that I weighed in at 233 pounds is a little bit of an understatement.  FAAAAAAAAAKKKKKK.....WTF-F-F-F-F-FAK!!!!  Let me just say that I was dissapointed/bewildered/disgusted/upset at an 8 pound gain, well let's say 6 pounds as the doc's office takes 2 pounds off for stuff like shoes, clothes, water, etc.  But still, that is a lot. 

My doc was able to reason with me.  First he said my appointment times are terrible for weigh-ins as I've already had liquids, a meal and am almost at mid-day, a time when our weight starts to hit its highest point.  Did you know our weight can fluctuate up to 6 pounds or so in a day?!  (Um, ok, maybe, go on, I'm listening).  Plus I'm PMS'ing, am likely bloated, retaining water AND I hadn't had a BM yet that day.  So, all of those factors *could* actually be messing around with what I actually did lose for the week (ok yes, I see your point Doc).  However, even if that is the case, I'd still be at 225 pounds as I doubt I could be down 10 or 11 pounds - can we bloat up that much when we're PMS'ing?  10 pounds, really?  That much?  Is this even possible?  Could I actually be down to 220 pounds and bloated up like a beached whale to 231 pounds?!  I must have lost weight as the Doc said just by looking at me he could tell from my previous visit that I had lost weight.  Also, that same friday and the past two days at work, a few people have commeneted that they noticed I had lost " a lot" of weight.  I know they aren't BS'ing me as they are people that I did not tell I had the surgery.  Also, I've noticed that clothes I wore last week, specifically pants, are starting to float on me, to the point where I'm going to have to wear a belt to hold 'em up.....or just go and buy some pants that do fit.  This is why I hate scales....they LIE!!!!!!! 

Riddle me this, riddle me that........is it possible that I'm just a bloated, beached, PMS'ing whale or have I hit a plateau at 7 weeks post-op?

 

Friday's Weekly Weigh-in & Check Up

Feeling a lot better these days, which is good!  I have been very diligent about eating 800 calories (or within 100 calories of that), taking my multi vitamins and monitoring my liquid intake to get between 6-8 oz glasses per day.  All of this diligent monitoring seems to have paid off because I haven't been feeling like something out of a horror movie, lol.  I am going back to work on monday and I'm looking forward to being back into a routine.

My weigh-in was what I figured it would be, down 5 pounds to bring me to 225 pounds for a total of 36 pounds lost.  I can't even *remember* the last time I weighed 225 pounds....2007?  My doc is very happy with the weight loss and says that 5 pounds a week is a good number to lose, not too fast not too slow, and that hopefully losing "only" 5 pounds a week with help with excess skin.  I hope so.

It still has not sunk into my head that I've lost nearly 40 pounds.  My clothes fit different, but when I look into the mirror, I still see the same fat girl that I was a few months ago.  It just all seems so surreal.....but, with that being said, I am happy the scale reads 225!!!

Feeling Like a Zombie (still) and Like Crap (still)

I'm off work, sick this week.  Not too happy about it, I prefer to be working as the time goes by faster and I feel like I accomplish more AND, well, I get paid, that's a biggie.  I am back on Employment Insurance for the week, but it is no where near what I would make if I worked, so naturally I'd like to be at work and making money.....I still have sleevie/expenses to pay for and I want that paid off in 18 months so I'll will be financially ready for the tummy tuck/boob job that I may need.

I'm not sure why I am off work to be honest.  I mean, I know I'm not well, there's something wrong, but the doctor is not 100 % sure as to what is going on. He didn't say that to me, but I wasn't born last night and I have worked in a hospital long enough to know that he is "going down the checklist" to determine what is happening and I am in tune with my body well enough to know when it isn't right, even if I'm slightly off.  Hell I was able to pinpoint (to the amazement of an ER doc, Radiologist, US tech and a Specialist) where my DVT was in my leg.

Last weekend was spent feeling nauseous and feeling like I'd been run over by a herd of stampeding buffalo.  I essentially spent my entire weekend sleeping very disappointing and frustrating.  When monday morning's 7:30 am alarm went off I was sure I was going to vomit everywhere, except I knew that there was nothing to throw up, but that certainly didn't make me feel any better.  I stayed in bed for another hour not feeling any better, then got up and headed over to my GP's.  I am to really, really aim towards 800 calories a day (80 grams of which is to be protein), 8 glasses of water/liquids, start taking my multi-vitamins and find a protein powder that I like.  I'm trying - it's hard.

I was given a medication that helps with the nausea as well as with intestinal movement (ie: bowel movements).  He said bowel movements every 2-3 days is not healthy and ideally, bowel movements should be occurring on a daily basis.  The lack of bowel movements, ie: constipation, could be contributing to my crappy feeling (no pun intended).  This is something that I've been having problems with.  When I take Bene-Fiber it is producing a "bowel emptying/cleanse" effect, which is overkill.  If I don't take anything, I only have BM's once every 2-3 days and they are painful.  These pills are helping me to have 1-2 small bowel movements a day which is so much more healthier than either of what I had been having.  I have started to keep a "BM Journal" so I can report how often and when I am BM'ing.  **Note: Thank you to the makers of the iphone and all of the wonderful apps.**

Then he sent me over to have blood drawn, an ECG and a urine sample done.  The ECG was relatively simple, a few minutes.  The blood drawing took a little bit longer, but nothing like when I landed in the ER here.  The urine sample, was a different story.  I sat, had some juice, waited an hour....nothing.  I ended up taking the cup home.  I have noticed I pee twice a day - once in the morning when I get up and once at night, usually before bed.  That is not good.  : /   I've since really, really been working on my water/liquid intake and have managed to be able to go three times a day, but overall, this is not good.

I went back on tuesday to see him so we could go over my test results and to my surprise, and disappointment, everything was normal, except my potassium was low.  I'm not dehydrated (even with 13 hours of fasting), my electrolytes are normal, no infections are hiding....WTF?!?!  Of course, I feel like a total loser since the results say I'm "normal" even though I don't feel normal at all and I wanted answers dammit!!!  Thankfully my doc has enough experience with gastric-type surgeries that he makes me feel at ease.  He tells me just because the paper says everything is normal, I must realize that my metabolism is experiencing a complete shift which affects my body, my anatomy has changed (and takes anywhere from 6-12 months to be 100% healed) and is still healing and even my potassium being a few points off can wreak havoc on my system, in addition to being constipated and only getting the bare minimum amount of water/liquids each day.  He says go home, eat, drink, rest and see you on friday.  I am doing as he has instructed but deep down I *am* worried that there is something going on.  It just sucks big time to feel this gross and it come down to seemingly small things.

Off I go to get my prescription for liquid potassium filled.  I'm instructed to take 15 mls of it with orange juice or tomato juice.  Hmmmm, ok.  That should have been an indication of how much it was going to taste like donkey balls.  I could not even swallow it, as soon as it was in my mouth, I gagged and puked up a little.  I didn't even bother trying again.  I guess that will be another injection that I will be getting.  Back to the doctor's on thursday to talk to him about it.

How am I feeling now?  Better.  I've been coming within 100 calories of my daily goal, drinking about five to six 8 oz cups of liquids and taking a multi-vitamin (children's chewables, mmmmm so good) which is very good.  I do feel better, but the energy levels are quite low and as I have said a zillion times, it's so very frustrating.  Since I haven't started taking a potassium supplement as of yet, I'm hoping that it is something that works quite quickly especially if I am getting injections of it.  I want to go to the gym and exercise and I just don't have the energy, it's not there.  It is some sort of sick irony.  Not exercising makes me feel anxious.  I say this as I am worried about excess skin.  Not just on my tummy but my upper arms.  Hubby took some pics of me a few weeks back in just an exercise bra and underwear and I was flabbergasted at how large my upper arms have gotten compared to how small they were when I first met him.  Needless to say, I am very eager to get to the gym and start doing cardio and lifting weights.

Despite all of the sucky-ness the past several days, I did enjoy a long-awaited treat....I had my first bath!!!!!  OMGosh it was heaven.  I forgot just how goooooood a scalding hot bath can feel.  This is how I do my baths:

1.  As your bath water is running, wash your face with a gentle cleanser, then apply a deep-cleaning mask.  I use "Mask of Magnaminty" from LUSH.

 2.  Select a bath bomb, bubble bar, salts or other nice smelly addition.  I chose to use a bath bomb from LUSH (can you tell I love them?!).

3.  After you have applied your mask and your bath is ready, drop in your bath bomb (or other pampering item) just before you get in or just after you get in your bath.

4.  While your face mask is drying and you are soaking in your selected luxury, lay back with a good "smut-mag" (book, cup of tea, etc.) and relax.  I chose "Como" as my read of the night.  I love reading the his and hers confessions section - hysterical, good laughs.  The "Flatten Your Abs" this month is a really great article, can't wait to start trying the moves out.  : )

5.  After your bath, gently rinse off your mask and apply toner, moisturizer and under-eye cream - yes, it's all from LUSH.  ; )

6.  Proceed to moisturize the rest of your body.  Next, treat your feet to some individualized pampering.  I used a foot mask called "Volcano" and spread it all over my feet and in between my toes (yup, it's from LUSH) and left it on for 10 minutes.  After you wash it off with warm/hot water.

7.  Smile sweetly and ask your significant other to give you a foot massage with a deep moisturizing foot cream, my favorite - "Fair Trade Foot Lotion" from......you got it, LUSH.  : )   Big thanks to my wonderful hubby for the 20 minute foot rub; he's the best!  <3

The link for LUSH in case you have never checked out their homemade, handmade goodies          http://www.lush.ca

Week In Review

I wish I had more upbeat things to say about this week, but I don't.  I am tired all the time, not eating enough protein and not drinking enough water - it's very, very hard - I feel like a zombie.  I have blank spots a lot, meaning "brain farts", and I find I am double-checking and second-guessing my work.  I will be talking then suddenly forget words and am at a loss.  Sometimes I can't spell the simplest of words.  It's from not getting enough nutrition in, I'm sure of it.  I don't get hunger pangs at all, so I can easily go hours before remembering to eat, my stomach never saying "hay-HAYYYY, feed me!!!", no it's my brain remembering that sleevie hasn't been fed in a number of hours.  I guess I should be happy that at least I am remembering to feed myself!  Because of this lack of feeling hungry and the limited amount of food I can take in (about 2 tablespoons), I have only been getting about 400 calories a day and around 15-25 grams of protein (should be 80 grams).  It's really frustrating.

Searching for a great protein powder-know any?

As for water/liquid intake, it's a delicate matter.  If it has a bad taste, my gag reflex is stimulated.  When that happens I am more likely to puke whatever it is up and puking makes sleevie grumpy for an hour if not several hours afterwards.  If it goes down ok,  I have to be so careful the swallows are not gulps and/or large otherwise sleevie twists tight for up to an hour.  I have to be mindful of whatever is in my mouth and is about to be swallowed.  Not only that, but my taste buds have changed quite a lot since the surgery.  Food and drinks that I really liked pre-op don't taste the same as they did.  Water tastes like piss, juice is sickly sweet, protein drinks taste like ass, protein powder tastes like and has the texture of chunder.  I am trying really hard to find a protein powder that I do like and that agrees with sleevie.  I used to like "Ensure" mixed with 1 scoop of whey protein powder pre-op, but the one I had earlier this week tasted gritty and sleevie was twisting for about an hour after the little bit I had.  Too much protein?  The taste itself?  Who knows.  All I know is out the door went one of my options that I had liked before which leaves me with no protein powder or drink at the moment.  I have emailed various companies for samples on their product instead of buying the tubs; I already have a tub of Iso-Pro Chocolate Milk that I have used one scoop of and puked up the first swallow of it - sleevie said "NOOOOOOO" - and now I have a $35 tub that is likely going to the garbage.  Such a waste, I hate that.  I discovered that Cream of Mushroom soup will not be on the menu anytime soon again.  Had some of that today and spent an hour with sleevie all twisted up in protest and finding myself feeling nauseous and praying I wouldn't blow chunks over the dashboard of my car as I drove to work (thank you Jesus that didn't happen).  My experiences with food that doesn't work out is so unpleasant that I don't even need to keep a little notebook of my "no-go" foods, nope, that's the beauty of sleevie, she traumatizes you enough that you KNOW what not to give her.  EVER.  AGAIN.

I've started exercising - doing cardio.  I went Tuesday and Wednesday and by Thursday I was completely wiped out.  Exhausted.  Going up 8 steps feels like a marathon within itself.  I can barely manage 20 minutes on the elliptical machine without feeling like I've just ran a 5k.  For now I'm planning on going to the gym for two days, then two days off, then two days on....we'll see how that works out.  I'll be able to start lifting weights in another two weeks, but I'm worried that I won't have the energy to even bother.

Saw my doctor yesterday for my weekly.  He wants me to get a full blood work up so he can see where my levels are at.  He thinks I am chronically dehydrated (he's probably right) which is likely contributing to my fatigue levels (makes sense).  I'm down another 5 pounds (that's it? I was sure it would have been in the 7-10 pound range) and he seemed pleased, so why am I not?  I am waiting for my bottom to drop out from me and fail, like I always have.  That stupid voice in my head keeps telling me "it's only 31 pounds, it's not very much, you're still OVER 200 pounds".  I have noticed a HUGE difference in how my clothes are fitting me and that is something that is tangible, in my face and is a lot.  I am wearing clothes that did not fit at all 6 weeks ago, pants and shorts that I couldn't get up past my upper thighs; shirts are floating on me too and this makes me smile and allows me a small victory twirl.  Maybe when I get into "ONEderland" I can finally allow myself to "let go" and recognize my success instead of just ignoring it.  We'll see.